Have you ever tried planning your birthday months ahead? like 9 fucking months ahead to be exact. I mean who doesn’t want a happy birthday anyway? And you had this idea in your head circling for the longest time. So you think and you start your imagination, running 250 miles/hr. You’re unstoppable. Until you become aware of what you truly desire.

Happy Birthday 🙂 not 🙁

Last November 2014, I asked my self, “WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO FOR THE FIRST TIME?”. I told myself I really wanna try traveling solo. It scares the hell out of me but I really wanna try. I thought, why not travel on my birthday next year? I think I have every right to take a full week vacation leave.

The planning began, spent long hours of surfing the web, reading travel forums, scanning numerous blogs and websites, searching for efficient routes to maximize the time and familiarizing the place. I booked flights in advance and draft a full week itinerary for my grandest 23rd Birthday.

Happy Birthday Not
Can you see the excitement in my handwriting?

Judgment Day

Fast-forward to second quarter of 2015, I suddenly got that eerie feeling that something painful is about to happen. As I traverse the days, I was not mindful enough to accommodate a lot of UNPLANNED TRIPS(yes, Laagan Kaayo), I thought I can manage but fuck no. I drained all my cash and grew a fair amount of debt. And from there onward, I was not able to recover. :'(

July came, a pang of pain grew inside me. It just hits you. The naked reality just slaps you in the face, hard. And it echoes, prolonging the torture for the next 16 days. I can no longer financially support my supposed gift for myself. The looong months of preparation and excitement were wasted. I am deeply disappointed and ashamed of myself. :'(

Happy Birthday Not
A heartbreaking flight reminder.
Happy Birthday Not
Departing in 14 fucking hours :'(


And today, it would have been the start of my one week journey to 23. I would have known what it’s like to sleep on a train overnight, what it’s like to eat exotic food in Thailand, what it’s like to ride a hot air balloon in Chiang Mai, what it’s like to travel alone. I would have known. :'(
Happy Birthday Not
Don’t wanna celebrate my birthday anymore :'(


Read what happened on my actual birthday here.

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